ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize