she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
