I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
