that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
