he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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