I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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