i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
