If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
