i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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