problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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