still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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