If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
