you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
