I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
