sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You are a genius and a whore.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
