I puked a lego.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
