Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Still dying that you shit outside
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
