I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
bring money and cleavage
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
