i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
