I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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