On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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