my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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