She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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