if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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