Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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