You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
