Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
