i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
