you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
