I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
