My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
