On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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