why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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