butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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