:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
