dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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