batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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