THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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