she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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