turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
