My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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