when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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