i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize