It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Come share oat with me in your robe
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
