Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
