Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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