i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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