So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
