U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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