I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
