why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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