3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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