THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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