I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
