her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
