The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
