You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize