fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize