I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
