I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You're like the curious george of whores
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
