going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize