He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
