so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
