You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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