Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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