I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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