You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
