Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
