I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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