I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
