There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and she was petting her beer can
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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