Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
