Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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